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| HOME : FORUM : COMMUNITY : Wedding Talk : Your Proposal & Wedding Stories : Need your advice for disappointed proposal |
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Post#1 @
01-02-05
, 12:55 AM
I need your advice. Here's the situation: For the past couple of months, my boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage. I went with him and picked out a ring at a reasonable price that we both liked. We put the ring on layaway. I told him specifically that when the ring was paid for, I would like him to propose to me in a romantic way. My boyfriend is not a romantic kind of guy, but he knows that I have waited many years for his proposal, and he knows how much I wanted his proposal to be special. Unfortunately, I was really disappointed with the way my boyfriend proposed to me. He asked me to marry him last night while we were driving in a car. He didn't even look at me when he made the wedding proposal because his eyes were on the road. The moment was not romantic at all. I was so hurt with his lack of romance that I could not answer his proposal, and I could not accept the ring. I have not talked to him since. My question for you is: Should I break up with my boyfriend because we don't seem to have the same perspective about the importance of romance? OR should I forgive him and work on the relationship because after all, I really do love him and he is a very good guy? I am grateful for your advice. |
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Post#2 @
01-02-05
, 01:23 AM
With all due respect, and I do understand how important the proposal is to a girl... is it worth throwing away years (I assume you've been with your guy for a long time?) that you've spent together, on account of a disappointing proposal? You obviously love each other, and let's face it girl, he wants you as his life-long partner, doesn't he? I mean if you're willing to break it off with him because of this, is he really what you want in a husband? My understanding is that a great proposal doesn't necessarily equate to a great marriage. Sorry to prattle on like an old chook, but that's simply how I see it. My BF is not by any means the romantic type, and as much as I'd love a traditional, romantic proposal I figure it probably won't happen :P: However, I know I want to marry him and he wants to marry me, so I take him as the entire package, romance or no romance. Just my humble opinion. I'd work on it. |
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Post#3 @
01-03-05
, 04:01 AM
As time goes by you'll realize that while romance and fuss is lovely and wonderful, it doesn't guarantee a wonderful marriage. My fiance proposed to me three or four times over the phone, whilst in the long-distance phase of our relationiship, and then the final proposal came one evening after er...you know what. That's not romantic!  I got my ring five years after that proposal too! It's been seven years now, we've had no splits, no break-ups, no serious bumps in the road. I'd never even have considered breaking up with my fiance because he didn't propose "right" - IMO, that's just immature and spoilt...  I know my fiance well, he's the type of man who, if I had of done that (broken up over the propsal), he would have rightly put me in my place, given me a reality check, and told me he wouldn't want to be with me for behaving that way anyway! Sorry if that seems rude, but the proposal is not a reliable indicator of anything to come! Good marriages are built on compromises by both parties along the way...keep working!
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Post#4 @
01-04-05
, 04:32 PM
I tend to agree with the other posters. Most women dream of a romantic proposal and maybe the guy was nervous, my proposal may not have been exceptionally romantic but it was still wonderful because the man I want to marry asked me to be his wife. I understand that your feelings were hurt, but to actually consider breaking up because of the way he proposed does make it seem as though you don't really want to marry him or don't want to marry him for the right reasons. |
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disappointed proposal
i came across this post while searching for something else entirely - and i signed up to be able to post here just so i could respond to this post. I guess i'm going to post the unpopular response and that is .... Listen to your gut. My first proposal was "yah like this one?" sum total. and for some strange reason i said yes. that was 13 years ago. i've been divorced for 4 years. i would say i'm not bitter, but in many ways, i still am. but mostly i regret not listening to that voice inside my head that said "arent i worth more than this?" i've learned the hard way from my mistakes and i am only trying to pass along some hard earned advice. its not just that the proposal was weak. from just what you said, its that you asked for a romantic proposal (at least) and he didnt seem to bother to try at all. know this one thing for absolute sure. that is never going to change. 5, 10, 15 years from now, you cant be all surprised if you ask for something and he just doesnt do it - specially in the romance department. if you are sure you can live with that, go ahead and say yes. if you have questions, my advice would be to ask, talk to him..... really really talk to him.... if you still feel unease after talking, think seriously about getting out. "throwing away" however much time you have spent together is no where near as bad as ending a marriage....specially maybe after kids are involved, etc. |
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