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| HOME : FORUM : COMMUNITY : Wedding Talk : Religion & Marriage : Is This Normal? |
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Is This Normal?
Post#1 @
04-17-03
, 05:21 PM
How many of you have waited or are waiting to have sex on the wedding night? In a recent girls' get together, our discussion topics inevitably turned to sex and boyfriends. One of the girls, who's been dating her boyfriend for 6 years since she was 22, was really quiet. After some prodding, she finally admitted that both her and her boyfriend are virgins and are waiting until they get married!!!!!!!  We were all shocked that 1) they've dated for six years and hadn't "done it" and 2) that they're both still virgins at age 28!!! Is this normal? Anyone out there doing the same thing? BTW, they've talked about marriage and will not be marrying anytime soon. So, don't know how long they'll be waiting...or maybe they'll change their minds...? |
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Last edited by hammy : 04-17-03 at 05:23 PM.
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Post#2 @
04-17-03
, 08:05 PM
There are some people that do wait until marriage to have sex........I don't know anyone personally. I do know it is not for me!! 
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Post#3 @
04-17-03
, 08:47 PM
Talk about self control... No one that I know has done this! |
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Last edited by msmithmomx2 : 04-17-03 at 08:48 PM.
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Post#4 @
04-17-03
, 09:51 PM
I think it's a good thing. This is coming from someone who has had a wild past. I've had many lovers including one-night stands in my past. I've always been a person who dreamed of being loyal, in love with one person. But, before I met my husband, I was running around a bit, going through periods of promiscuity interspersed with long stretches of abstinence. That said, I wished I had waited for my husband, yet the wait would have been too long, as I met him at age 31 LOL! Yet, the Bible has much wisdom, telling us to be virgins until marriage. Had I listened, I would have avoided many doctor appointments for infections and numerous broken hearts. |
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Post#5 @
04-17-03
, 10:08 PM
I agree Itbit! I plan on being very open and honest with my kids and I hope that I can keep them from making the same kinds of mistakes that I made! Edited to say that I will wait until they are old enough and will only give them enough info for them to know that I regret some of my past mistakes. |
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Last edited by msmithmomx2 : 04-17-03 at 10:11 PM.
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Post#6 @
04-18-03
, 10:45 AM
Well, I waited until I was engaged (and absolutely certain of getting married), but I was young. I have had a couple friends who waited completely for marriage. One was a young male (20). His wife was the same age and had also waited. The other was my best friend in high school. She's 27 and still hasn't. Different things work for different people. I always have more respect for people who have self control and self-respect. |
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Low Sex Drive?
Post#7 @
04-18-03
, 01:51 PM
I think many people waited to have sex for religious reasons. However, my friend and her significant other are neither prudes nor religious. I believe they love each other, but just wondering if a sexless relationship is healthy? I'm not judging them, just have concern for my friend that maybe she and her SO have intimacy issues. She does wonder sometimes whether she's in love...  I'm pretty sure they're not homosexuals, but then again you never know...(Ever seen "Kissing Jessica Stein"?) |
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Post#8 @
04-19-03
, 02:22 AM
No, I don't think that's normal. I don't think that's healthy either. 
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Last edited by empresseva : 04-19-03 at 02:22 AM.
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Post#9 @
04-21-03
, 09:17 PM
I think it's very hard to judge what's normal or healthy for other people. I know I never would have wanted to wait so long, but I have friends who have been together 3 years (they're in their early 20's) and still haven't had sex. Yes, it's unusual, but if it works for them who cares? Maybe your friend and her fiance both happen to have low sex drives and are happy this way. Or maybe they do have some kind of intimacy issues. Only the two of them know, and it's really not anyone else's business. |
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Post#10 @
04-22-03
, 07:56 AM
I like your post, Jennie21.
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Post#11 @
04-22-03
, 01:44 PM
Quote:
I'd like to respectfully take issue with that remark. Sometimes I think it IS a friend's responsibility to talk to other friends about sex, among other personal topics. A few of my friends are VERY strongly religious and believe that sex before marriage is wrong. I disagree, but they have to choose what's right for themselves. What I DID have a problem with was a discussion that my friend's mother had with her after that friend got engaged. Her mother told her that sex wasn't any fun for women, it was painful, it was degrading, it was the cross women had to bear to keep a husband, etc., etc., etc.! She basically told her daughter just to lay there with her eyes shut and pray the whole time. If there's a better way to warp your child for her wedding night, I can't think of it. So yeah, I butted in on this friend's very personal feelings about sex. Basically, I took her out to a restaurant and wouldn't let her leave until she heard me out. I hope I did her some good. On the one hand, she seemed to accept the notion that sex is a gift from God meant to enhance the bond between man and wife. On the other hand, she left saying she'd pray for me. So maybe all I convinced her of was that I'm hellbound. My personal beliefs: The best advice I received when I got engaged the first time was: You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it. I've seen marriages fall apart because people aren't sexually compatible, and it just seems like a waste. Mag |
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Post#12 @
04-22-03
, 01:53 PM
Quote:
Oh my. I feel so sorry for that poor woman. Whether she actually feels that way about sex or was just trying to scare the **** out of her daughter. /sigh The religious inspired taboo of not being able to talk about sex troubles me deeply. When to have sex is a personal decision and theology can definitely have some say if it wants to for all I care, but when we fear talking about sex and sexuality it's just wrong. |
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Post#13 @
04-22-03
, 02:04 PM
Quote:
I tend to agree, but I wish that I hadn't taken so many lemons out for a spin :-) Sex should be a happy, pleasurable experience for both man & wife. I say that it is the "icing on the cake". |
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Post#14 @
04-22-03
, 10:27 PM
I'm 53, been married 26 years and I think I'm a virgin. Maybe my memory is just going bad. I've got two kids, aged 23 and 18. They look like me, so we kept them. |
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Post#15 @
04-23-03
, 08:54 PM
Don't all rodents look alike? Although, I don't think they should have a big smiley face...
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Post#16 @
04-23-03
, 08:57 PM
Well, having low sex drive might not be normal, but you can't tell people to take drugs or classes to have more sex... |
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I heard the same story from my Mom...
Post#17 @
04-23-03
, 09:03 PM
Good thing I knew better than to listen to her. (Thanks to books). She could have warped my psyche for life. win |
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Post#18 @
04-24-03
, 11:16 AM
Quote:
I will change the avatar tonight whence I get home and wind all my watches. |
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Post#19 @
04-24-03
, 04:26 PM
>>. Her mother told her that sex wasn't any fun for women, it was painful, it was degrading, it was the cross women had to bear to keep a husband, << This must be the origin of the word "exscrewtiating." |
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Post#20 @
04-24-03
, 06:32 PM
Ok I'll be the weird one... I'm 21 and still and virgin. My fiance is 22 and also has never had sex. We have been officially a couple for 4 1/2 years. No, we aren't "unhealthy" nor do we suffer from low sex drives, intimacy issues or any other relationship disfunctions. We are intimate, romantic with out sex, I SWEAR it can be done. In fact all of our friends think we have the best relationship of any of them (those dating and married). I've even overheard them telling people this when the didn't know I was around. They really don't beleive us when we tell them we don't "do it". For the record, it is not a long distance relationship. It takes me 10 minutes to walk to his house we see each other almost dail and have since high school. We chose to wait until marriage early in our relationship for religious reasons. It many not be the norm, but it works for us. And doing what everyone else did has never really gotten me anywhere I wanted to go. I don't judge those who feel or behave differently, but I had to speak up on this one. |
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Last edited by PyroPrincess : 04-24-03 at 06:36 PM.
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Post#21 @
04-24-03
, 06:42 PM
I just had to say that I'm impressed with the pair of you that you had enough respect for yourselves and each other to wait. Congratulations on having self-control and self-respect. It is a rare thing nowadays. (Rare enough to seem abnormal and reason for concern to some.) |
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Post#22 @
04-24-03
, 08:30 PM
Pyro Princess, good for you! I think you are making a wise choice. You will definitely avoid the mistakes which I made. |
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Post#23 @
04-24-03
, 10:39 PM
Quote:
Pyro, I'm glad you're doing what works for you. FWIW, I was a virgin much longer than most of my contemporaries. I wasn't ready, and I hadn't met anyone I was willing to share that much of myself with. I wasn't criticizing people who don't have sex for religious reasons, or any other reasons that they feel are personally significant. It's only the people who don't have sex and haven't thought about why they aren't having sex that concern me. Or the people who have a LOT of sex and haven't thought about why they're having so much, for that matter. To each his (or her) own. I'm happy with the decisions I made, and I hope everyone else is happy with theirs.  Mag |
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PERHAPS THIS MAY BE CONTROVERSIAL...BUT
Post#24 @
04-25-03
, 11:17 AM
Quote:
Does the exhibited self-control lend itself to a more trusting relationship? IMHO, yes. While technically not a virgin when married, I had *extremely* limited partners even though I dated quite a bit. Hubby was not a skirt chaser either. Just seems to make a difference in our relationship. But, then I have very good friends who has been married for 15+ years. Both were wild ones. The day they married was the end of it - period. Although, earlier in their marriage, she didn't completely trust him - even though there was not foundation to her mistrust. |
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You have a good point. It DID make me feel better that my husband had very few partners and not all that much sexual experience before we met. He has always had no interest in sex with a partner he wasn't emotionally close with. He was and is a man who can be trusted to be loyal. I joke with him that if he had all the experiences I had, I wouldn't trust him much at all :-) |
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