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Old empresseva

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#1 @ 01-15-02 , 03:48 PM


Last night, when I was in class, my classmate leaned over to me, and complimented me on my wedding set.

Then she asked,"Are you ever embarrassed wearing your ring around other people who have smaller solitaires?"

I thought about it, and said no. I told her my diamond was only one carat. In my mind, that's not particularly big. It's decent-sized, but not very big, so I'm not embarrassed by its size.

My classmate admitted that she was embarrassed by her ring sometimes. She wore a two carat solitaire. Additionally, she was under five feet tall, so the solitaire was very big on her.

Another classmate overheard our conversation, and chimed in. This girl wore a two carat pear solitaire. Like my first classmate, she admitted she was embarrassed by her ring sometimes, but insisted on wearing the ring. She said her husband spent too much money for her not to wear the ring. She gets over her embarrassment very quickly.

So are any of you embarrassed by your diamond size sometimes? How do you feel when your company has much smaller diamonds than you? I guess this can go both ways. How do you feel when your company has bigger diamonds than you?



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Not really
Quote this post and reply to it Post#2 @ 01-15-02 , 04:05 PM


I think my 1.25ct ring is just "perfect" on my 5'7", 5 1/2 ring size frame, and when I'm in the company of people who wear smaller diamonds, I just tell them I wear this size because I have long fingers.

On the other hand, If I'm around someone tiny with a "relatively" large stone >1.5ct, I don't feel embarassed my my engagement ring size because I work in the health profession, and a larger diamond ring wouldn't be fitting for my job/salary/age.

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#3 @ 01-15-02 , 04:11 PM


Hmmm
I have only had my ring since Nov. but I understand the above post. First, I have a 1.58 round OEC that looks like a early modern brilliant in a 6 prong plat solitare setting. (it was a family stone) I have gotten many complimnets on the ring. My finger size is 4.5 and it def stands out. I got many comments on it at work from some girls who are not in the finacial position my FI and I are in and I felt embarassed fiuthermore I felt bad not telling them it was a family stone (even though FI could afford something similar to it)
Last month I met a lovely girl who was newly married and showing off her 3 stone ring, It was so beautiful and I complimented it and she told me how big and gorgeous my stone looked. I felt embarassed that it seemed showy but I love my ring when she asked about it I said I only know carat weight approx and that its plat I did not feel I owed it to her to tell her where we got the stone. we own a condo in a $$ trendy area outside NYC and its reasonable we could have charged something similar and I did not ask her the price of her ring
but yes I have felt its showy but then I ahve gone to pricey shops and felt it was smallest ring there
I think the best thing is to love and appreciated what we all have, a lot of pricey items are bought on credit so its not always that having a nice ring is greedy or a true intidacation of financial status
ps empresseva-your set is beautiful and very unique

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#4 @ 01-15-02 , 04:22 PM


Interesting question.
My ring's a decent size (1.7 carat round). While it's not huge, in certain situations I feel a little self-conscious. It probably doesn't help that, even though I'm well into my 30's, I look and probably dress younger. At times it feels a little ostentatious. But I try to remember that no one else is probably giving it a whole lotta thought and I get over it. Not to mention - I love it!!!
If someone has a smaller diamond, I feel that they're just as lucky as I am because someone they love gave it to them. As far a someone having a bigger diamond, I may admire its beauty, but that's about it.

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#5 @ 01-15-02 , 04:33 PM


Yes.....
I do feel my ring at times is a little flashy at times its a center 1.53 and 2 sides of .50 so total 2.53,but I do have long fingers so thats my excuse !!!!!!
I could put it in a box and never wear it for work ? I volunteer at the local YMCA
with the little 3 year old angels !!!!
I think some people look and think its not real and a bit much for working at the YMCA and thats ok by me I know its real and we have the bill to prove it !!!
they are there to be enjoyed.......
If I was like my friend with a 2.75 and my sister with a 4.ct then I may feel a little more showy ....wish I had that choice ....never will though.
Just enjoy what you have there will always be someone with a smaller stone but there will always be someone with a larger and brighter stone.........

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#6 @ 01-15-02 , 04:39 PM


Yes, yes and YES!!! First a little background. As I have posted in the past, I have a very large size Asha as my engagement ring. I got the Asha for 2 reasons; First, I am completely incapable of making a firm decision about diamond cuts when there
are so many gorgeous ones out there-square EC, Asscher, Round with trillions? (I am now into my EC phase...) Secondly, even though my now husband has offered to get me a real diamond, I'm still always looking for the "best deal ever". Now that I have been educated by all the smart DTer's, shopping for a diamond is a very complicated and mentally exhausting endeavor!

The thing is, when I go to certain events and at the club to which we belong, a six carat ring is just not considered a big deal and it is not uncommon to be in a room with several women whose rings exceed the ten carat mark. So when I am at these particular places and functions, I would feel funny if I did NOT have my monster Asha.

Conversely, I refuse to wear this ring to the office. It is too embarrasing to show up with an "in your face" ring, especially because my goal in getting the ring was not to make people feel bad!!

One time I was at a black tie dinner for a charity and I could overhear the people sitting next to me trying to guess the size of my ring. But what made me feel REALLy badly was when a woman came up to me, looked at my ring, looked and hers and said "And I thought my upgrade to a 3 carat was so great, now it just looks dinky next to yours!!" I wanted to die, even though I don't think it was very polite of her to make me feel so awkward.
Anyway, scenarios like that have happened too many times, so now I only wear my Asha to places where I know people won't pitch a fit or when I go shopping. So there you go!



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Not to change the subject...
Quote this post and reply to it Post#7 @ 01-15-02 , 04:42 PM


Alana Ellis....
Do you live in Raliegh, NC? I know someone who works at one of the YWCA's up there. What a small world!

To answer the question, I don't really get embarassed about it....it's more like I get a little shy. If someone with a smaller ring compliments mine, I try to play it off and be really humble about it. I don't go waving my hand around or anything. When someone has a larger stone than mine, I don't get embarassed at all....more like jealous Just kidding!

~Kelly

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#8 @ 01-15-02 , 04:58 PM


Quote:
ps empresseva-your set is beautiful and very unique


Thank you, Warmuster! You're kind to say that!

And thank you everybody for your replies. You all have interesting input, which is great.

Curious One: It's not your fault that lady reacted like that. You weren't being impolite. She was the one who was insecure.

This is a little off the subject. Have you all noticed that many people with big diamonds (+1.5 carats), don't clean their stones regularly? With those extra big facets, the dull surfaces are so obvious (and disappointing). Those big rocks would really, really sparkle if they were kept clean. Goodness, if I owned a big rock, I would take very good care of it.


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good god y'all!!
Quote this post and reply to it Post#9 @ 01-15-02 , 05:00 PM


if 3 carats is "small"---where are folks getting the $$$ to pay for stuff like this?
Where i live the COL is very low---everyone is poor, by relative standards--most "executive homes" here cost a mere half a million dollars (& up).
One and half carats is big for this area.
What i'd like to know is: what profession are you in that you can afford all this stuff???? Opium trade? I feel happy that i can get a dinky 1.25 high grade simulant!
sheesh. I shoulda been born sooner and with an engineer's brain.
mars mannix

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#10 @ 01-15-02 , 05:11 PM


My wedding solitaire was small. 1/4 of a carat. Yes, I was embarrassed by it (and still am a little, because a 1/4 on this board seems like a "chip"). Even our friends who had the same financial situations as we did were able to get a nice 1ct solitaire.



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Re: good god y'all!!
Quote this post and reply to it Post#11 @ 01-15-02 , 05:13 PM


Haaahaha . . . ! Marsmannix, your post is funny!

Quote:
if 3 carats is "small"---where are folks getting the $$$ to pay for stuff like this?


The lady Curious One was talking about was a minority. I'm sure the lady was demographically upper class. Most of us on DT don't own three-carat solitaires, and would agree that's a very big rock.

I hope that clarifies your notion. ^_^




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Quote this post and reply to it Post#12 @ 01-15-02 , 05:23 PM


Well, mine is only .82 carats, so no.

I can see, though, if you're taking classes with students of college age, being a little self-conscious about a nice-sized diamond.

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#13 @ 01-15-02 , 05:39 PM


Unfortunately, I have been embarrassed by my e-ring, but not because it's big, but because it's relatively tiny. At .38ct it's definitely the smallest amongst all my friends' rings.

My friends, I hate to say it, have a hobby of whenever we get together to compare everyone's rings, even though we have done it a hundred times. It got to the point where for a while I didn't even wear my e-ring around them (just my plain wedding or anniversary band) because I just got sick of it. I got so mad once I walked out of the room and threatened to leave.

I don't mean to make excuses but sometimes I find myself doing so. We were both students, major student loans, blah, blah, blah. One woman even asked me once if my ring was a promise ring.

My husband works at a brokerage company where the average ring size is at least 1ct, with 1.5 and larger not being unusual. Yes, apparently guys talk about size too. He tries to stay out of those conversations because now that he passed the bar exam and is considered a "professional" he feels that a .38ct is "inadequate" and he now wants to buy me something bigger. However, since we are looking to buy a house and get out of this apartment (which we are sharing with his father) the "upgrade" has been put on the back burner for a while.

My husband has asked at times for me NOT to wear my e-ring in front of some of his dad's friends (his dad is also an attorney and has many friends that are lawyers, judges, and political figures) because of the "inadequacy" issue. It makes me mad that he especially is bothered by this.

I think guys are much more sensitive than we think about things like this. I try telling him how special my e-ring and that seems to work until the next time the issue comes up.

So, short answer to your question is that yes, I have been embarrassed, but now my husband is more so.

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#14 @ 01-15-02 , 05:40 PM


My husband is a well known criminal defense attorney. But I will tell you this- I know that these big rings to which I am referring are in a VERY small minority! I was made even more aware of it when I got my ring set and it just looked so monstrously huge I was really embarrased to wear it. Then, as someone once predicted, I grew into it. The other thing is that when I did go to places and events where the ring was not uncommon, I didn't feel funny about wearing it because everyone else had the same, if not bigger rings than I did!
Like I also said, though, I would never want to make others feel badly, so I am very discriminating as to the places I choose to wear this boulder...
Thanks to all the DT'er's for their interesting comments- I love this board!

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#15 @ 01-15-02 , 05:59 PM


Quote:
I can see, though, if you're taking classes with students of college age, being a little self-conscious about a nice-sized diamond.


Actually, most people in my program are not college-aged. I think the average student age is my age (around 28 years old).

For many of us, we're changing careers, and already have bachelor's degrees. Some people are coming from good professions, too, like law and medicine.

It's so funny. Between the Asian students, we always ask each other, "So how does your family feel about you going into interior design?" There's always some level of professed guilt, as interior design is not a particularly laudable career among the Asian community. As you may know, many of us are encouraged to be doctors and lawyers. Another acceptable tier of careers are in engineering, technology, and business. Artsy design careers are not encouraged nor nurtured. Oh, well.

Personally speaking, I had to go into design, as I was miserable with my career. I was in business administration, and considered going to law school. Because of that, I sufferred a quarter-life crises, so I decided to be true to myself, and took the plunge (much to my parents' dismay).


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Quote this post and reply to it Post#16 @ 01-15-02 , 06:01 PM


T-Rex,

I sounds really tacky that your friends want to compare their rings when you get together. It's OK if someone wants to see your ring and finds something nice to say about it. But if they place their hand next to yours so they can show you how much bigger their diamond is, just smack them.

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#17 @ 01-15-02 , 06:02 PM


The only time I've been embarrassed by my ring was when I first got it and I held it up to my mother's 0.25 carat and it looked huge! Mine is 0.63. I was embarrassed because I never really looked at my mom's ring before--well I never realized the diamond was quite small, and when I held it up I thought that I gave the impression that I was comparing mine to hers to brag. Anyway, we talked about it and she didn't get that impression so that was good.

But other than that, I've never been embarrassed. I keep my diamond very clean--and yes I've noticed that some people with bigger diamonds don't clean them at all. They look terrible and so obvious with all of that gunk! Plus, most people with bigger diamonds have stones that don't sparkle as much as mine does. I've gotten a lot of compliments on the sparkle from women with diamonds twice the size of mine. I just snicker to myself knowing that we could have afforded something much larger but went for quality instead, and it shows .

Shelby

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Size doesn't matter
Quote this post and reply to it Post#18 @ 01-15-02 , 06:14 PM


I've complimented plenty of women on their rings, and a lot of them have about .25ct engagement rings. I've noticed that certain modern styles (tension, bypass, bezel designs) actually look a lot better when the stones are less than .5 carats. A lot of these ladies seem surprised that I would notice what in their minds is a "smaller" diamond. If the design is nice, the diamond is clean and sparkles, I NOTICE it!

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#19 @ 01-15-02 , 06:15 PM


T-Rex,

I agree with Photogold. Your friends' hobby is very insensitive.

Have you said anything to them? Probably not because you seem so polite.

If I were you, I would say something, but nothing harsh and threatening; just something to let my feelings be known.

I would say something like,"My diamond is a lot smaller than yours. I feel embarrassed when you do that."

If they're really your friends, they would understand, and most likely, be sorry. If they're not sorry, then b*tch slap them (because that's what they are!). I'm kidding, I'm kidding!! ^_^



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Quote this post and reply to it Post#20 @ 01-15-02 , 06:17 PM


Photogold -- yes, I sometimes wonder why I stay friends with them.

As another gal who has gone through a "mid-20's" career crisis, my family (and my MIL especially) was none too thrilled to hear I was going back to pharmacy school. I had a BA in economics and had a good job in the college of nursing at a major teaching hospital. I realize that we have had to sacrifice with me going back to school; most of my friends already have beautiful homes and nice cars. I have had days where I have second-guessed myself for going back, but now that I've graduated, I have a "career" instead of just a "job", something many of my friends can't say!

Empresseva -- there were a lot of Asian students in my programs; I guess pharmacy would then be considered a noble profession!

I think I stay friends with them just because I have known them all since high school. They really aren't materialistic on other things, but for some reason diamonds get them all riled up! Yes, I have said things to them before, mostly that my husband really gets upset when the whole ring issue is brought up. They usually say they're sorry, that they don't mean to make me and him feel bad; they just like showing off their rings.

[Edited by T-Rex on 01-15-02 at 05:20 PM]

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#21 @ 01-15-02 , 06:21 PM


Quote:
Empresseva -- there were a lot of Asian students in my programs; I guess pharmacy would then be considered a noble profession!


Absolutely! Let me clarify; the field of medicine, not just being a doctor, is considered a noble profession by the Asian community.


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Quote this post and reply to it Post#22 @ 01-15-02 , 06:22 PM


Quote:
Between the Asian students, we always ask each other, "So how does your family feel about you going into interior design?"


LOL! I hear you. Plus, after all these years, my mother still can't figure out what my sister or I do. She can't quite figure out how we went to college (we both majored in the liberal arts), but got jobs afterward that don't sound like our majors. You study accounting, you become an accountant. You study engineering, you become an engineer. You study law, you become a lawyer.

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#23 @ 01-15-02 , 06:27 PM


I don't think my ring looks big, because of the cut. It is probably about the same size in mm as a 1.5 round and around here that looks to be the norm.

There HAVE been times when I've looked at rings on other people and their rings looked big and in my head I'm thinking "wow...what a monster!" I sometimes wonder if people think that when they see my ring...only once while in a bar full of college aged guys (18-25) have I ever overheard comments about my ring being a "huge rock"...didn't bother me though
The only time I felt slightly embarassed was when my fiance's mom was here and the ring arrived. Since it's not common in the UK to have a big diamond...I think .25 is more the norm, I was a bit embarassed and worried that she would think I was some princess brat or something.
Other than that, I've never thought it to be too big OR too small.


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Quote this post and reply to it Post#24 @ 01-15-02 , 06:42 PM


susans, I know how you feel! My husband is from Finland, and when we visit his family, I do feel like my 1.15 ct. princess cut is rather "showy." Most of the married women in Finland wear wedding bands set with a small diamond (maybe 10 points or less).

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#25 @ 01-15-02 , 06:48 PM


Susans,

Even though your diamond doesn't look particularly big, I think it's so special because it's an Asscher-cut. Any diamond expert (or well-informed diamond consumer) would be impressed with your ring.

If I ever met you in person, I would probably gasp,"Is that an Asscher cut??!!" I would probably forget to introduce myself, and gush over your ring! ^_^




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