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| HOME : FORUM : COMMUNITY : Wedding Talk : Showers & Parties : What's proper? |
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Post#1 @
05-05-03
, 03:28 AM
I am the MOH for my sister's wedding. We live on separate islands and I am having a tough time trying to figure out how to throw her a shower. For one thing, the actual wedding will take place in Oregon. Then a month later, they will have a big reception here in Hawaii for all the family and friends (since most of us are in Hawaii). The wedding will only be immediate family. Is it proper to make the shower after the wedding, and once things start happening in Hawaii? Or should I be stressing out about how to do this when it is almost physically impossible? This is her first marriage, she is 48. I don't want to deny her any of the traditional fun that takes place prior to weddings just because of her age. Help! (I seem to be leaning on you guys for a lot of help on this wedding...my day has come and gone, I'd like for this to be special for her) Thanks everyone! |
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Post#2 @
05-05-03
, 04:24 AM
Try to figure out where most of her guests are coming from who will attend her wedding. My feeling is that they will be coming from Hawaii even though the wedding will take place in Oregon. My suggestion would be to have the shower closest to where the guests are. If that means Hawaii, so be it. As far as the timing of the shower I would be more comfortable with it BEFORE the wedding. Matter of fact, I am very uncomfortable with a shower AFTER the wedding. It sort of takes away the meaning of it for me. If you are having difficulty getting your sister there to Hawaii I would discuss this with her. You may wind up spoiling the surprise but at least you will be throwing her a shower. |
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Post#3 @
05-05-03
, 04:59 AM
Ladyluck thanks for your reply. My sis lives in Hawaii also, but we are on separate islands, and the interisland schedule has become difficult at best. No more "quick" jaunts to the other islands. It is practically an act of congress just to get to & from. Top that off with my full schedule with my kids (I am a SAHM), so that cuts time even more. As far as holding it in Oregon (closest to the guests), honestly most of the guests will only be attending the reception because of the distance of the wedding. She is not even inviting most reception guests to the wedding because of the distance, therefore it's become somewhat of a semi-private event (the actual wedding itself). My brother actually suggested having it after the wedding and before the "big" reception, because he knows my logistical situation. This is why I'm so at a loss...don't know what to do.  Thanks, I appreciate your thoughts. Keep those ideas coming. I could use all the help I can get. 
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Post#4 @
05-05-03
, 05:29 AM
Perhaps I am missing something but I am not quite sure I know what you mean about your logistical difficulties. It seems relatively simple to me. I apologize. Perhaps it is just too early in the morning and I am riding without sleep as I have worked all evening and am running on caffeine.
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Post#5 @
05-05-03
, 01:07 PM
NP ladyluck, I understand the running on empty thing... Things are logistically challenging because Sis lives on another island. That's where most of her friends are too. So I'd have to travel there, most likely for only a day, and these days it is a 3 hour one-way situation for me just to hop to another island. I also need to time it with DH's schedule so he can be home to watch the kids while I leave. Flights are scarce which doesn't help my traveling window. I could go on. Island hopping isn't as fun or easy as it used to be...
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Post#6 @
05-05-03
, 03:32 PM
Then my suggestion would be to have the shower at your house then but it may be difficult with such short notice if travelling requires flight arrangements.  I'm feeling your frustration with the time constraints as well. Finding a gown is really going to be the toughie as suggested in the other thread unless she goes the route of ebay or goes to a local department store.As far as the shower, it sounds to me like you may be running out of time. However, I still wouldn't throw a shower AFTER the wedding. Furthermore, as a bride I wouldn;t be comfortable with it either. This is just my personal opinion. Please take it with a grain of salt as others and yourself may feel PERFECTLY COMFORTABLE with it. How you and your sister feel are WHAT matters. Hopefully some others will respond to this thread and give you their opinion. |
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Post#7 @
05-05-03
, 08:11 PM
The whole PURPOSE of a shower is to give the bride to be gifts so that the couple may "start" their home together. This tradition started way back when, when folks lived with their parents until they were wed. That does not really pertain to ANY ONE I know today. I was MOH for a friend years ago. I offered to do a shower OR Engagement party. She opted for the engagement party, it was an evening buffet around my pool. I thought it suited both her and her groom/now husband. Casual, relaxed and fun. It was a great time if I do say so myself. I agree, I would NOT hold a shower after the wedding. I would also not invite any one not invited to either the wedding and/or reception. Make up your own title to the party and have it WHEN and WHERE logistics permit the largest attendance by those who will be at the reception. (Post-wedding bash?? MEET MR. & MRS Party?? ENGAGEMENT PARTY?? WOW, THEY FINALLY/REALLY DID IT PARTY?? WE NEED TO HAVE ONE MORE PARTY PARTY??) Good luck. No matter what you do, you have put much time and thought into your actions. In the end, it's you caring and dedication to your sister that is REALLY what counts. She is blessed to have such a great sister!! 
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Post#8 @
05-05-03
, 10:10 PM
Deb, I was moved by your thought-provoking post. Right now I'm clouded by wanting her to have some of the traditional fun stuff, but let's face it, it is not happening in a very traditional manner. So there. Your suggestion to have a "themed" party is a great idea. I will look at it that way. Perhaps I even misused the term "shower" and I was thinking of the fun gathering where the women get the bride to be together and make a veil with the paper and all...but maybe we can just have a get-together to meet the couple. We'll see how this unfolds and I'll keep you guys posted. You are correct, my heart is definitely there and I thank you. I'll come up with something. You guys always come through for people, and now for me. I'm touched. Thank you ladyluck and deb for both for responding to this. |
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Post#9 @
05-06-03
, 11:03 AM
Glad you are at ease with it kmom and great suggestions debs. I was never even thinking along the lines of a REAL SHOWER at age 48 anyway when kmom mentioned shower. Not many people at this age NEED household goods as most households are established at this point. Let us know how your get together turns out when you decide to have it and good luck with the rest of the wedding preparations. 
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other ideas
Post#10 @
05-08-03
, 11:59 AM
KM, You do have a tough situation with the logistics. I had similiar problems since my bridal party was scattered across the US. One solution for us was to have several mini-showers. So I had 3 with just 3 or 4 people at each. I know I'm really lucky to have so many friends who would go through so much effort! In your case, I was thinking that maybe you could offer to organize and fund a small shower in the island where your sister lives with the help of one of her friends who lives there. Then you could call or send a video and have them send one back to you. Just an idea about how to keep the fun in it for her--have the shower, but eliminate the stress and expense of travel for you. When it's comes to weddings, I've learned it's all about looking at what's stressful and cutting out that part while keeping the good! Best of luck, dd |
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Post#11 @
05-08-03
, 12:30 PM
That's an excellent idea DD, I was thinking the same thing!! Get in touch with your sister's best friend on her island, and plan something together. You could send a video to be played at the beginning of the shower, offering her your wishes, etc. and her friend could let her know it was your idea. Also, at this age, a Couple's Shower might be fun...Have her friend's organize a party where the guy's and gal's both come and bring a gift for each. Like barbeque stuff, tools, etc. for the guys- and whatever they want for the bride-to-be. I've been to a few of these and they are a good time for all. Try to be creative and have a little something before the wedding. After all, remember, your sister will be pleased with the thought- and that you are doing it for her- not the actual results It's very sweet of you to plan this for you sis, I know she'll really appreciate it 
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Post#12 @
05-08-03
, 03:36 PM
Thank you Horizon & dd, those are great ideas! I think they make the most sense in my situation. Gonna do something because the wedding is now just about a month out!! I'll keep you all posted. P.S. Horizon, how's that baby horse of yours and what did you name it? Did I miss that part? My 7y/o wants a horse very badly.... we are not ready for that, but maybe after we build the house.
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Post#13 @
05-08-03
, 11:00 PM
I haven't named him his "registered" name yet, but his barn name is "Heath." He's a real cutie, but I haven't seen him in 6 weeks. He's been at the breeders with his Mom. I go to pick him up this weekend...I can't wait!!!! |
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Post#14 @
05-09-03
, 06:19 PM
Island hopping isn't the easy prospect it was years ago anymore. Traveling in general has gotten to be the pits! I know you have a tough time planing but what about a Saturday so your DH can be home and you can be at the shower. I know it's a good idea to send a video but I am sure you want to be there with your sister. And no matter what her friend does with your help and support it isn't really the party from you like you want it to be. After all, it is the bride's family who needs to throw the WE ARE FINALLY UNLOADING MY BIG SISTER BEFORE SHE HIT 50 AND WHO'D HAVE THUNK IT!?! themed party. I mean this in a totally humorous way because ironic as it seems it is so wonderful to find love, no matter how late in life. But this is your show and you can do it! Not gonna be easy, but neither is finding true love and getting married at 48! |
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Post#15 @
05-09-03
, 08:53 PM
Pookie, I love your name for the party!! And I mean really, who'da thunk it is the word!! She was a confirmed bachelorette. Even she never thought she'd fall this hard. 
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What did you decide?
Post#16 @
05-15-03
, 02:24 AM
Curious to know what you decided to do.
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Pookie, thanks for asking. I'm heavily leaning towards a "meet the couple" type of theme event. Close friends, heavy pupus (hors devours) type of thing. But then again, my sister's good friend is suggesting that she good at changing other people's plans, in this case mine, and since I'd rely heavily on her assistance as they live closer than she and I, I might even go with something she has in mind. I just don't know what that is yet... I'll try to keep this one updated. It could be interesting... Thanks again.
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