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Old n00bie
 
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Quote this post and reply to it Post#176 @ 03-08-04 , 07:56 PM


Wow....I'm practically speechless. Insulted or offended.....which ever it was is not acceptable! I'm on your side, don't propose. Take this as a sign....the writing is on the wall and the sirens are sounding loud and clear. All kidding aside, I wish you the best in your situation. I am shocked that people are this shallow - yet it helps explain the divorce rate in this country!

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#177 @ 03-09-04 , 04:39 AM


My last post probably contradicted what I wrote in my first post. I do agree with what everyone here has said but I just wanted to give MDDesigner support.

especially when I have friends in the same situation. She's such a great girl too...her only flaw is that she's a bit materialistic but it's part of her upbringing because her family is well off and she has always been pampered.

I have been like that in the past but at least I have learnt from my experience. You never know..MDDesigner's gf might too.

I was demanding but my husband never gave up on me but then I never asked for a $20k ring either I might jokingly ask him! never know

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#178 @ 03-11-04 , 10:04 PM


Hi, I have been reading this thread in bits and pieces. MDesigner, I understand that you wish to pet this thread die down, but just want to offer a simple 0.2.

It seems that the both of you are not mature enough for marraige yet, considering the mentality that the both of you have right now.

I would suggest not rushing into a marraige simply due to pressure from the 6 years together, or due to an increasing number of her peers getting engaged/married.

Both of you need to sit down and think twice whether you really want each other for the rest of your life. It seems to me that the both of you decided to get married simply because "its time". Quite frankly, I don't think it will work out this way.

You can take a 4-month break from each other, interact with other girls (and she with other men), and make the final decision at a later date.

Perhaps by then, if she really chooses to stay with you, she will understand that the most important thing in marrying you is being with you, and not getting a huge e-ring.

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#179 @ 03-12-04 , 06:26 PM


Hi MD,

I just wanted to say that I feel badly for you. Like many other posters have said...this should be a blissfully happy time for you...not a stressful one.

I agree that you need to re-think you're relationship with your girlfriend. It sounds like she is more interested in having a 2 ct. rock on her finger vs. you as her husband on her arm.

Best of luck to you.

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#180 @ 03-15-04 , 11:24 PM


hey, i didnt mean to BUMP this thread to offend u, but i had to share something with u.
dh's friend and his newlywed wife had dinner with us saturday night and she showed me her e-ring which was beautiful and huge. it was invisible set and was a 2ct. i didnt believe it was'nt one big stone but cleverly set smaller stones. this cud be an option for u to explore - ur gf could still get a large looking stone and u cud be in budget.
sorry dont know the cost of my guest's ring as she got hers done in india.
hth
all the best
namrata

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#181 @ 03-16-04 , 12:22 AM


i had premarital counseling and with that
CALLED OFF THE WEDDING!!!

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That 2-ct. Diamond
Quote this post and reply to it Post#182 @ 03-16-04 , 02:17 PM


I haven't gone through this entire thread, but as I've been married 35 years, a couple of thoughts come to mind.
First, why not get her a large gemstone ring encircled with diamonds? Much less expensive, and gemstones are coming more into vogue. (They've got some spectacular engagement rings at www.myjewelrysource.com.) You could get her an amazing and unique ring for a fraction of the cost of a 2-ct. diamond.
(You could spend some of your savings on Suze Orman's books about managing your finances.)
I see a couple of underlying problems here. (I speak not only as someone who's been married a long time, but as someone who got married at 18.)
She's insistant on a diamond you can't afford, and--please don't take this disrespectfully because it's not intended that way--neither of you seems to fully understand the value of money. She's talking about cashing in part of her 401K, and you're saying that since you're already so much in debt, what's another $5,000?
Unfortunately, I see trouble on the road not-so-far ahead. The trick is to live UNDER the standard of living you can afford (and to learn to do it well) and to stash enough money away so that you can have a nice cushion for future years and in case of emergency. The two of you are assuming that you've got many decades of work and good health ahead of you, but that simply may not be the case. (I speak from personal experience.) Couples must be honest with each other, and that includes financial honesty. IMHO, the two of you also must get a better handle on what being married means. I was not kidding when I talked about Suze Orman. Just take a look at the Baby Boomers around you. We wanted everything all at once and for even those of us without health problems, many of us are in debt and with very little money in savings although we're in our 50s. (Time does move very quickly.) If I had it to do all over again, I would've sat down with my fiance BEFORE we wed and talked about how we wanted to live. Nobody gets everything they want, and that's simply a fact of life.
Best of luck to the two of you.

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#183 @ 03-16-04 , 04:31 PM


Frankly, I'm somewhat shocked by the messages posted on here. After all, is this not diamondtalk? Everyone on here is ridiculously obsessed with rocks and would sell their souls to get a new diamond on their fingers. Several women on here own enough stones to open their own jewelry store and have more rings than they do fingers to wear them on. Seeing a post on the "for sale or trade" haunts some women's minds until they finally cave in and drop $4K for yet another ring. For all these members to act in such a fashion and then label this guy's girlfriend as materialistic is ridiculous, laughable, and unfair.
Fact is that many women look forward to their wedding day from the time they are little girls, and when one gets close to their wedding day, they hope that all those dreams they've had will come true. And that journey begins with the engagement, and therefore, the ring. And if that starts out sub-par to what they pictured in their dreams, it is a frustrating and disappointing realization. I'm sure she, like every other bride, will also be this obsessive about her wedding dress. It is also hard for someone from a wealthy background to face the reality that with marriage she will encounter a different style of living; its scary to commit to something you're not used to. But as the wedding planning goes on, she will realize that everything doesn't have to turn out like in her dreams and it will still be great. I thought it would be in a lacey long dress dress married in a church with over 200 guests. I ended up getting married outside in a sleeveless dress with 90 guests, and it was more than I could have ever hoped for. I felt frustrated the whole planning time and almost called it off so I could start planning all over again. But then I realized how silly that was and went through with it and was blown away by how beautiful and perfect the day was. She will come around also.

And as ridiculous as it is for her to care about what her friends think, it really can be a factor, especially if you are from a wealthy background and have wealthy friends. It sucks to be the person with the tiny ring. Not just because peer pressure but also because (1) as a girl you look forward to this ring your whole life, (2)its the one nice thing the girl gets for herself. From that point on it is a mater of compromise and sacrifice and its nice to have that one thing. It is like a guy and his "dream car" or "dream ring". Just like a guy doesn't want to drive the mini van or station wagon, the girl doesn't want the sub-par ring.

On that note; diamonds ARE expensive and hard to afford early in life. My husband bought me a half carat hearts and arrows solitaire and it was incrediby pretty and sparkly. Then later he bought my dream ring and turned my old stone into a necklace. Yeah, it would have been wonderful to have my dream ring on my finger the day of our engagement, but it just wasn't possible, so you get over it. And once you get that dream ring you get over it fast! So the point it, sit her down and explain to her that her 2ct dream is just not possible right now and that you plan to upgrade it as soon as possible. She will understand. While it may be a little disappointing and her friends may make her feel a little inferior at first, she will learn to wear it with pride, and as she gets involved in planning the wedding, that will distract her from the ring and get her excited about other things. Or go for the sim, if she would rather, and later replace it. But don't write her off for this obsession. Just read the other posts on here and you'll see that she is not behaving unusually - all the women on here as every bit as obsessed with their rings as your girlfriend is, it's our "sports car". Enjoy your engagement and look forward to your marriage - its the best decision I ever made!!
Good luck! Amy

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Not a 2ct, but isn't this pretty?
Quote this post and reply to it Post#184 @ 03-16-04 , 05:49 PM


There are some beautiful rings in the $2,000 - $4,000K range on Ebay under a supplier by the name of Russian Diamond LTD. Not sure of the quality, but they sure are pretty to look at.

Here's a link to one that I just love!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dl...item=2697881948

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Quote this post and reply to it Post#185 @ 03-16-04 , 06:04 PM


Is there any way we can pin this debacle on Debeers??? I'm always up for poking fun at them and their mass brainwashing tactics that helped create this phenomenon... (although they aren't totally to blame of course) Anyone who now wants a "right hand ring" would probably agree. As if women in America weren't ALREADY wearing right hand rings, now because they're being heavily marketed, now we all feel the need to buy more. I guess my point is, many people can be persuaded to be more materialistic than they would be normally by peer pressure and by media pressure. This doesn't totally excuse the I want a 2 ct or else ultimatum, but then we haven't heard her side either. I never realized the impact of advertising until my 6 year niece, upon seeing the ring I wear on my right ring finger (and have since age 16 way before the right hand ads) says "is that your raise your right hand ring??) pretty amazing for a 6 year old to pick up part of that ad.


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Quote this post and reply to it Post#186 @ 03-16-04 , 06:14 PM


I for one am not obsessed and don't believe on buying anything on time (credit)except for homes.

Guess that is why I have realistic goals for my income. She doesn't. He is in major debt.

Can this thread die now?

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Have you made a decision, yet?
Quote this post and reply to it Post#187 @ 03-16-04 , 06:45 PM


MDesigner,

Just wondering if you've made up your mind what to do, yet? Did you buy a stone? If so, what did you get?

Redraider


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