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Post#1 @
08-21-04
, 04:10 AM
I GUESS I JUST NEED TO LET STUFF OUT. I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA OF WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY LIFE, THIS IS MY STORY. I MET MY WIFE 10 YEARS AGO, I WAS 19 AND SHE WAS 15. WE DATED FOR 7 MONTHS UNTIL I MOVED TO A DIFFERENT CITY. FOR 6 1/2 YEARS WE HAD A LONG DISTANCE RELASHIONSHIP, I WOULD VISIT EVERY 6 MONTHS. WE DECIDED TO GET MARRIED AND WE DID, 4 YEARS AGO. IT WAS LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE, AFTER SUCH A LONG TIME, WE HAD FINALLY MADE IT. SHE MOVED OUT WITH ME TO L.A, LEFT HER FAMILY AND FRIENDS. SINCE DAY ONE, I MADE IT CLEAR THAT SHE WAS A FREE WOMEN BY MY SIDE, MEANING THAT SHE COULD CALL, OR VISIT HER FAMILY WHENEVER SHE WANTED BECAUSE I KNEW IT WAS HARD FOR HER. SO SHE DID, SHE WOULD GO EVERY 6 MONTHS, HER FAMILY LIVES IN ANOTHER COUNTRY. I GUESS THE FIRST YEAR 1/2 WAS FINE. BUT LITTLE BY LITTLE THINGS STARTED TO CHANGE. FINANCIALLY SPEAKING, WE STARTED TO GO DOWN. AS A RESULT, WE WOULD GO OUT LESS, I WOULDN'T BUY HER CLOTHES WHERE I DID BEFORE. THE IDEA OF BUYING A HOME WAS FARTHER THEN EVER. BUT IN OUR RELASHIONSHIP, WE WOULD FIGHT, BUT RESPECT EACH OTHER. NEVER A BAD WORD CAME OUT OF MY OR HER MOUTH, NEVER AN INSULT, I NEVER HIT HER, I WAS NEVER UNFAITHFUL, I WOULD NEVER GO OUT AT NIGHT AND LEAVE HER ALONE. WE ALSO HAD A INTIMATE PROBLEM, SEX WAS TO PAINFUL FOR HER, SO LITTLE BY LITTLE WE DRIFTED APART, BUT I WAS NEVER UNFAITHFUL, I NEVER FORCED HER, I WOULD ALWAYS LET HER KNOW THAT IT WASN'T HER FAULT, THAT WE WOULD GET THROUGH IT, THAT I WOULD WAIT A LIFE TIME JUST TO BE WITH HER, THAT I WOULD NEVER LEAVE HER SIDE EVEN THOUGH SEX WASN'T GREAT. BUT SUDDENLY, AFTER THE FIRST YEAR 1/2, SHE STARTED TO TALK ABOUT A POSSIBLE DIVORCE, GOING TO SEE HER FAMILY AND COMING BACK WAS GETTING HARDER AND HARDER FOR HER. SHE WOULD COMPARE MY FAMILY WITH HERS, A LOT. SHE WOULD COMPARE ME WITH HER BROTHER IN LAW WHO IS A DENTIST WITH A GREAT CAREER. BUT SOMEHOW WE WOULD WORK IT OUT, AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. 6 MONTHS AGO, SHE WENT TO SEE HER FAMILY, SHE LEFT IN GOOD TERMS, ONCE SHE WAS OVERTHERE, SHE CALLED AND SAID SHE WOULD NOT COME BACK, THIS HAPPENED ONLY A MONTH AFTER I FELL SICK, ALMOST DIED AND WAS HOSPITALIZED FOR 2 WEEKS. SHE LEFT. IT HURT ME, MANY THINGS WENT THROUGH MY MIND, BUT AFTER COUNSELING, I DECIDED TO FIGHT FOR MY MARRIAGE AND WENT FOR HER, I FORGOT ABOUT HER LEAVING WHEN I WAS ILL. I FORGOT ABOUT ALL THE BAD THINGS I KNOW FOR A FACT SHE SAID ABOUT ME TO HER FAMILY. HER REASONS TO LEAVE WERE SUDDENLY THOUSANDS. SHE SAID WE DID NOT HAVE A FUTURE, THAT I WAS A LOSER. THAT I WOULD LET HER GO TO SEE HER FAMILY JUST BECAUSE I WANTED HER TO BE AWAY FROM ME. THAT OUR SEX LIFE WAS PATHETIC, AND IT WAS, BUT SHE WAS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM, ALL I DID WAS UNDERSTAND HER. EVENTUALLY SHE CAME BACK, THAT SEPERATION HELPED ME REALIZE MY MISTAKES AND DID EVERYTHING TO CHANGE. LAST MONTH, SHE WENT TO VISIT AGAIN, I LET HER GO, TRUSTED HER AGAIN. WE SPOKE A LOT ABOUT HOW SHE WAS FEELING BEFORE SHE LEFT, I WANTED NO SURPRISES, SHE SAID SHE WAS FINE, FOR ME NOT TO WORRY. WELL, SHE LEFT, CALLED A WEEK AFTER AND SAID SHE WASN'T COMING BACK, THAT SHE WANTED A DIVORCE. I LOVE MY WIFE, BUT I CAN'T FIGHT FOR MY MARRIAGE ANYMORE. I LOVE HER, BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND HER. I LOVE HER, BUT EVEN IF IT'S HARD TO ACCEPT, I KNOW SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME. I GUESS I'M STUCK WITH A 1000 QUESTIONS. WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DID I DO SO WRONG? SHOULD I HAVE BEEN HARDER WITH HER? SHOULD I HAVE FORCED HER IN TO SEX? DID I DO WRONG BY UNDERSTANDING HER? WHY DOES SHE DUMP ME BY PHONE? WHY CAN'T SHE DO IT IN PERSON LIKE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE? WHAT DID I DO SO WRONG? I UNDERSTAND I CAN'T FIGHT FOR A LOST CAUSE. I LOOK AT THE PHONE AND WANT TO CALL HER, I MISS HER, GOD I MISS HER. BUT I KNOW I MUST NOT AND I DON'T. I JUST THINK IT'S TIME FOR ME TO MAKE A STAND, EVEN IF THAT MEANS SUFFERING, IT HURTS A LOT LESS THAN CALLING HER AND FEELING HER INDIFERANCE. DID I EVER KNOW MY WIFE? WHO IS SHE, WHO WAS HER? DID SHE EVER LOVE ME? WHY IS IT THAT I ACCEPTED ALL HER MISTAKES AND STILL LOVE HER AND SHE SAYS SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME? DOES LOVE REALLY DIE? TRUE LOVE? I GUESS TIME CURES EVERYTHING, ALL I KNOW IS THAT I WILL NEVER KNOW TRULLY WHAT HAPPENED. I AM FORCED TO FORGET HER, I AM FORCED TO DUMP ALL THIS LOVE. HOW DO I DO THAT? HOW CAN SHE FORGET ALL I GAVE HER? ALL OUR STORY. A GOOD OPINION WOULD HELP. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. I MISS MY WIFE, AND I KNOW THIS IS GONNA KILL THE INOCENT PART OF ME. THE GUY I WAS IS DEAD, I DON'T KNOW IF I WILL EVER TRUST AGAIN, IF I WILL EVER LOVE AGAIN.
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