I've been to a few weddings, and have seen this handled several ways, but now thanks to my friend's crazed mother, I need some etiquette clarification on a few issues: Is it okay to tell folks where you're registered in the invitation? (She says 'ABSOLUTELY NOT'). Is it considered in poor taste to bring the gift to the wedding? (She says it 'ABSOLUTELY IS'). And finally, 'Mother' says people w/class should know that you bring a gift to the bridal shower, and a check to the wedding. I'm fine w/the registry (prefer it actually), and I think you should be glad for your gifts, monetary or otherwise. Please weigh in on this debate. Thanks!!!

Hiya

I live in Australia, so maybe etiquette is a bit different here, but normally when you do your bridal registry, the company gives you a little card to put in with the invitation... otherwise, how are your guests supposed to know where to find your gift registry?! My mother has always told me to choose a gift to the same value as dinner for 2 plus wine in a good restaurant (essentially paying for your dinner at the reception)

As for bringing presents to the wedding, that can be inconvenient (can't bring it to the church, and don't want to leave it in the car all day). I always try to sidestep the issues and buy from the gift registry if there is one, then the present gets delivered the day before :D But usually there is a table at the reception for gifts. I usually do bring a gift to bridal showers, but it is not a wedding gift.... I always thought the bridal shower (or kitchen tea) is for all the women to help the bride get her kitchen set up, so you bring a cake tin, or some spices etc.

As for bringing money to the wedding... the only time I have ever heard of that is in some asian cultures (I am bridesmaid to a Chinese girl at the moment and they give red envelopes for money with their invites).

Ali

Re: Gift/registry questions
 

hi nicmc22! i actually work in the Macy's bridal registry and maybe i can shed some light for you...

information on where someone is registered is expected in a bridal shower invitation, NOT in a wedding invitation. if you want people to know where you are registered or that you do want gifts the typical fashion is word of mouth or sending out a seperate registry notification after the wedding invitations have been mailed out.

as for whether to bring a gift or not, that is largely a geographic decision. i live in new york where cash is king. however, in other parts of the country like in the south or the midwest the gift is the norm. if you do bring a gift to the wedding, stick to something small enough to easily be taken home. usual wedding gifts include china, crystal, sterling, not items like cookware or electrics.


lol, i didnt realize how old these threads are, nevermind, lol!
i also go by the you pay for your plate rule, but, if you are invited to a wedding that is $500 a plate, do not feel pressured to pay for the invitees extravagance if that is out of your price range. from what i see, the average wedding gift here is at least $100 per person attending, but again, it all depends on your individual relationship with the couple getting married and your budget! good luck, there is no stress quite like wedding stress!

Re: Gift/registry questions
 

didnt realize how old these threads were, nevermind, lol!

Re: Gift/registry questions
 

Hey LBF... probably not a bad topic of conversation!

I'm getting the details sorted for our wedding this fall, and we have decided NOT to include details on the gift registry with the invitation. Apparently it's considered tacky by the older generation, who normally will go by word-of-mouth. Now, I know that I've received wedding registry notifications with invitations for my friend's weddings, and considered them very helpful.
The bride did not have a bridal shower, so if guests want gifts, they will have to bring them to the reception or buy online for pickup - bringing even physically large gifts to the reception is quite normal here, and cash is very rare.

What we are doing to get the word out about the registry and wedding in general is setting up a website - I'll post links to the registry there; most of the traditionalists and older folks won't bother with it I'm sure, but for the tech-savvy it's a good way of keeping all the details in one place. We're self-catering the reception, so I've also been kicking around the idea of allowing guests to 'sponsor' individual dishes, by contributing all or some of the food costs! I think it might be a great way to let people feel they are involved in the big day, without simply picking a gift off a list.