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-   -   Can I Uninvite my own Mother?? (http://www.diamondring.com/forums/showthread.php?t=48319)

chelseabun2 02-18-04 11:40 PM

Can i uninvite my mum?
She has had absolutely no respect to any of our wishes and talks nothing of dirt about our upcoming wedding - in one week - and told me again yesterday "she probably wont be coming to the wedding," however shes 'happy' for me to get ready at her house!!
She is being so hurtful and I am so confused. Im not looking forward to my own wedding because of the stress she has put us through. I've just started to think maybe the best thing I can do (for me and my partner) is to tell her straight - if she cant respect our decisions and cant hide her disaprovement - don't bother coming at all. I will get ready at a friends house. ??? I am so lost. Any help would be very much appreciated.

Emmesmom 02-19-04 12:17 AM

I am almost in tears :( because I have been RIGHT were you are!!! My mom thought I was WAY too young(19) and that my marriage would not last. Well it has been 15 yrs ago this yr?? Hmmmm maybe she was wrong??? LOL
I would NOT get ready at her house!!!! :mad: She will ADD to your stress of getting ready and the stress of the whole day! I did not have the you know whats to tell my mom not to come! I am sorta glad that I did not! Because I look back and I see her there and I can forget how NASTY my mom was at the time BUT not having her there I would remember for ever. It was important to me that she was there(for some reason??) BUT you go a head and tell her like it is!! She should respect you and your day!!
I hope this helps!!! Just know that boy oh boy do I feel your pain!!!!!!

sistagrl2004 02-19-04 12:28 AM

When she said that she wouldnt' be coming, you should have said " Thank God, we can have the ceremony in peace".. Mamma sounds like a drama queen who can't handle that this is all about you and not about her. I dont' know where you live, but If it's close to the midwest, perhaps I should offer to come slap her two times for good measure.

In the end, it's about you. As long as you are happy and safe she needs to be told in no uncertain terms that you would LOVE to have her support on that day, however there will be no negativity allowed! Please dont' let her spoil your day. That day, that time is all about love... Good Luck..


PS. the offer to come slap her still stands!

Emmesmom 02-19-04 12:42 AM

Sista where in the midwest?? And would you come slap my mother??? Hehehe!! We do get along better now!! THANK GOD!

BrownsFan 02-19-04 01:02 PM

I agree! Tell your mum that is she is not welcome if she can't be postive and happy for you about your wedding.
Oh, you poor thing! I would ask one of your girlfriends or maybe your hairdresser if you can get ready with them. Surround yourself with postive people who care about you and want to see you happy for your big day. Good luck :)

debinsandiego 02-19-04 01:29 PM


WOW. Sounds as if you will have a difficult time with your Mom.

A wedding, no matter what your age, is one of our cultures only "coming of age" rites. It's time you do just that. Do not tollerate her negative behavior, you do have a choice.

If your Mother is not able to treat you in a POSITIVE manner, then you should not be in her company. I would not shut her out totally, but I would NOT be getting ready at her house, especially if she is not coming to the wedding. Sounds as if she has her own issues, let her deal with them, herself. Your job is NOT to please your Mom. Your job is to take care of yourself and your soon to be husband.

On another point, it is VERY important to surround yourself with people that are supportive and helpful to you on your wedding day. That could be your two best friends or ten, it doesn't matter the quantity, but the QUALITY. My wedding day was one of the best days, my Mom was not a part until the ceremony itself. My parents came in to say "hi" right before Dad took me down the isle, but other than that, my Mom was not a part of the wedding day. I think it worked out best that way.

Good luck.

Amethyste 02-19-04 02:36 PM

When my first husband and I decided to get married, I made the hardest decisions as to NOT invite my mother. She hated my first husband b/c he was "taking me away" and on top of that, my mother was an alcoholic. I didn't want a scene at my wedding or the reception. Even though it was probably the wisest thing to do, I still feel guilty that I didn't invite her. I got married in 1993, and she passed away shortly after that, so we never really discussed my decision and now I am left with a cerain amount of guilt that I won't be able to address in this lifetime. I hope from above she can forgive me and that she still loves me.

My suggestion is to take your time to decide. It's better to decide on a clear mind than a resentful heart.

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