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pinkbow 05-24-04 12:27 PM

Hello everyone,

So my fiance and I finally announced to his parents at dinner the other night that were engaged. The only problem is that they are christians and my fiance and I are not religious at all. They are starting to talk about a church wedding (oh no) I need some great ideas for a non-religious wedding that will please all parties involved. Thanks!

marsmannix 05-24-04 01:47 PM

Dear Pinkbow:
I empathize! My DH's family are Presbyterians, and i'm a non-church goer/believer.
What you need to decide is which parts of the wedding can be compromised on, and which can't. For example, i wrote my own vows and was emphatic that no Jesus, Holy Spirit or St. Paul be involved. I didn't mind a non-specific reference the "The Creator". I wrote the vows, the prayers, everything, and then haggled with the minister (another compromise)over what he could/not say.

I did NOT get married in a church, but in an historic mansion owned by the university where i work. Lots of non-church locations: outdoors, parks, museums, hotels, etc etc etc.

If you can talk honestly with your future in-laws that's a great help. Something along the lines of "we want our wedding to be celebration of our love and inclusive to everyone".
If you can't talk honestly with them, it's going to be harder. So, decide with your DF which parts CANNOT be "religious" and which you don't mind. Is a bland reference to "God" OK?
If you want a totally secular ceremony, do a google search for "humanist wedding ceremony" and see what comes up.

I have some funny stories to tell about crafting my own wedding!!!

Good luck and welcome to DT

mars mannix

pinkbow 05-24-04 02:18 PM

I would love to hear your stories
We were thinking of an outside wedding sometime either this fall or next fall. I guess there are officiants (SP?) that will help with perparing the cermony and the vows. I just dont know how to tell his family!! They dont even know I have tattoos, let alone that I will not have a church wedding. I know they like me a lot and I dont want to dissapoint anyone. This is what I get for putting other peoples opinions before mine :rolleyes:

Ginger7 05-24-04 03:27 PM

pinkbow, maybe this will sound silly, but if you're far enough from land, I believe a ship's captain can marry you. I always thought that since I'm not religious that would be a really original type of wedding. I don't know where you'd find a boat though :)

marsmannix 05-24-04 04:38 PM

There are many on-line sites that help you construct your vows. As far as non-religious officiants, there are judges, justices-of-the-peace, Unitarian ministers are usually non-denominational.

Just do some searching!

mars mannix

doxiemom 05-24-04 06:03 PM

DH and I got married in a state park by a Justice of the Peace. We had the dress, tuxes, catered, cake, the works......

It worked out really well. We had a noon wedding, and kids were welcome. It was nice because there was a big pavillion with a "conference" type room off to the side. We got married in that room and had the reception in the pavillion part. I had to provide a guest list to the front gate (it was a pay to get in state park) and out of ~100 guests I forgot to put DH's parents name on the list. :o: His dad was like I'm the father of the groom! I usually don't go around wearing Tuxes to State Parks! They did let them in free thank goodness.

orzo 05-24-04 06:27 PM

I was married at an old mansion. We were raised catholic but do not go to church and are not religious. Our families were upset we didn't have a church wedding but once they attended and saw how beautiful it was they got over it!!! We did have our marrriage blessed during a baptism for my son though.

agreaving 07-06-04 09:11 PM

Well my family is Catholic, his is atheist (not because of lack of desire to find faith...) and he and I are pretty strongly atheist. My family wasn't overwhelmed with our desire to NOT have a church wedding. But because it's my day they shut up quickly. :) We are either using a private minister local to St. Louis or we are going through our local Ethical society. We can choose from a few oftheir normal ceremonies or write our own. We will probably morph a few.

Im very frustrated thus far though and can relate toyou because everything is a battle when you have your mind made up and they want to convince you to change it. Good luck with this, stick to your guns and pay for that part of it yourself ifyouhave to.

hammy 07-14-04 07:08 PM

Many of my friends had and I plan to have a civil ceremony with personal vows. Look here for ideas, the ROSE ceremony is a popular one!

http://www.celebrateintimatewedd i...ceremonies.html

purpleaa 09-28-04 02:40 PM

If you're still looking, try www.spiritualhumanism.org . There is a list of wedding officiants there who do nonreligious ceremonies.

mariyafrankjon 11-21-12 03:27 AM

Re: Non-religious wedding
How about a yacht wedding? This will make your special day more special and memorable. I feel you should go for this cool idea. Have a happy married life.

wedding yachts miami

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